It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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