I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my liver is dry heaving
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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