So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
