dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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