Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
