Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
