seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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