you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
