i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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