did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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