So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
