If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize