ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
