piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
