there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
