I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
