I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
