I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize