Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
