is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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