She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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