R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize