So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
