I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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