woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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