Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
