We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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