3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
