Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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