Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
