Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
