Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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