my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
