dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
be right there i have to get my cape
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize