remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Holy shit dude........stairs
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
