Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
