i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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