Soap is not a condiment
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
