I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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