Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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