It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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