i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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