Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
