Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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