I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
