Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
