cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
