So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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