Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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