I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
