Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
