I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize