please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
