next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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