It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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