my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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