She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
