My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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