Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
