Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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